There are countless stressors in our lives, whether permanently such as our pets, our jobs, our families or just day-to-day complications that arise.
When Hurricane Harvey hit us, Chris was in Hong Kong for his grandma’s funeral. That left me and two pups to manage with the flood waters that creeped up on our lawn. We were one of the lucky ones that had zero damage to our property and we all made it out safely; couldn’t imagine what it would’ve been like to have been scrambling for high ground, worrying about loved ones, and/or finding shelter. Prayers to those still working on rebuilding homes and their lives.
CIRCUMSTANCES OUT OF OUR CONTROL:
After the flooding waters had receded somewhat, I had attempted to take the dogs to a fundraising event. But due to many road closures, it took 50 minutes to go approximately 3 miles. Most people don’t enjoy sitting in traffic and as for me? I abhor it. I can feel my blood pressure rise and the vein in my neck pulsating. I can hear my heart pounding and feel the anxiety that a potential unattentive driver may cause a collision. Then Izzo threw up twice with all the stop/go motion. My poor future husband picked this opportune time to call me and braced me with “So, I have some bad news.” Great. What else can happen? “Our venue flooded and wouldn’t be renovated in time. Okay, I have to go to the bar for a work event. Bye.”
Chris and I spent a lot of time planning our wedding early on to avoid potential stress and this was a huge blow. It was the end of the rope for me that day and was not one of my proudest moments because I lashed out at Chris (although, that probably wasn’t the best way for him to have attempted to end that call). I don’t recall what I said word for word, but it went something like this: “Whatever. I don’t care anymore. You figure it out. You’re the one who wants the big wedding anyway.”
YIKES.
In the moment, gosh it felt so good to let out all that anger, but I also felt awful because I didn’t mean a single word of it. After Chris talked to me that evening about how I made him feel, I felt even worse. Our wedding is to be a celebration of us, our union, and our families combining. And I reduced it to almost nothing in a fit of anger. How many times have we lashed out in anger and almost instantaneously felt regret? I can’t count the number of times I’ve done it growing up. This is a situation where the circumstances are out of our control – and I’m all about controlling the situation around me. But it made me realize that I don’t want to get angry about something I can’t change or fix and I don’t want to put my relationships in jeopardy. It’s a work in progress, but I will say that I’ve learned how to apologize and to increase my anger meter before heads roll and molten lava spews from my mouth.
SEPARATION OF WORK AND HOME LIFE:
We both have high intensity jobs. Chris is an attorney and I work as a physician assistant with cancer patients. It’s so hard to not bring work home with you, but it’s inevitable especially when you literally are taking work home with you. Chris works long hours and occasionally will have to prepare deposition outlines, perform case law research, and document review at home. If you’re unable to compartmentalize, like me, it’s also a struggle. When I have a particularly rough day, I feel this bone weary fatigue. I just want to sit and be anti-social. Almost to the point that when Chris comes home, I’m unenthusiastic in my greeting to him, not because I don’t love him, or because I’m not happy to see him. I literally am just that tired.
Chris, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. He always says hello and always hugs me because he’s excited to see me after a long day. No clue where he gets this fountain of endless energy from. But I never knew how much of my work day affected my after work day until Chris pointed out to me that I was always tired or quiet. But for Chris, he has a hard time balancing time with work and time with me. He has a lot of work events that take up his evenings/days/weekends. As a result, this mixture of a rough day for me and him being at a work event until 10 PM puts some tension on our relationship; it’s difficult to invest the emotional and physical energy required. Can’t wait to see how we handle having kids in our lives!
There will always be some sort of stressor in life, but it’s how you manage it individually and with your significant other. It’s not always easy to maintain sense of self in the heat of the moment, nor is it easy to apologize afterwards. But when it storms, are you prepared and/or cognizant of your own tendencies? Are you going to dance in the rain and go with the flow? Or do you make a flood out of a little rain? Although in Houston, that’s entirely possible.
Happy Tuesday!
Julie
Living Life with Julie & Chris 